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Just When You Thought it was Safe…

…to go back in the water, here comes Peter Gammons, up close, personal and in your face more than you ever feared possible. Peter Gammons or the shark, you make the call.

With Gammons comes a new and already overused baseball cliché: “Difference maker.” Just what baseball needs, a line to trot out more often than “anything can happen in a short series,” “intestinal fortitude” and “we all have to be on the same page.”

So what exactly is a “difference maker?” Well, like someone once said about pornography, I don’t know how to define it, but I know it when I see it.

Example: Paul Lo Duca, difference maker for Florida. Totally. Break out the textbook and stick Paulie in there, right next to the phrase.

Example: Brad Penny, difference maker for Los Angeles. If you missed the 2003 World Series, shame on you. This guy is a stud, and exactly what the Dodgers need. An absolute ball player.

San Diego Padres, Dave Hansen. Not a difference maker.

Angels? Don’t care.

San Francisco Giants, Ricky Ledee, definitely not a difference maker. A refreshingly weak effort by Frisco. Thank you.

Randy Johnson and Charles Johnson, loyal difference makers for their respective clubs. CJ gets to help his team clinch fourth place by the third week in September and RJ gets to help his stay in the race for fourth place till the third week in September.

Tom Martin to the Atlanta Braves? Whatever.

The Cubs and the Red Sox both did well, but they’re the Cubs and the Red Sox, so who knows.

Loaiza to the New York Yankees is better than what they had. The Mets meanwhile, are more confused than ever. They still have a ton of problems and John Franco, and they weren’t in the race to begin with…

I’m cruising the 101, dying to hear anything to get me to the next update, and since there’s a truck a couple lanes away, I can’t get KFWB. I rush over to KNX, and so help me, a woman utters the most telling seven words in sports radio history, “and let me tell you about Fettuccini Alfredo.” I swear.

The truck moves, back to KFWB. “A high ranking source within the Dodger organization” says blah, blah, blah. Oh sure, a high-ranking source. High-ranking sources are fountains of knowledge.

Is it possible for everyone who says he has a high-ranking source to actually have a high-ranking source? Oh I forgot to tell you, I have a high-ranking source. You should get one sometime. They’re fun. For Christmas maybe.

My high-ranking source tells me to trust Paul DePodesta. And since I trust my high-ranking source I’m going to trust the young GM.

Especially since ex-obnoxious GM, now-obnoxious ESPN flunky, Jim Bowden predicts disaster in L.A., I’m going to trust the young L.A. guy. The Dodgers will be fine.

He did too much for his own good, but the Dodgers will be fine.

The buzz among Internet conspiracy theorists has Paul DePodesta as a silent partner in Philips Medical, makers of the best selling home defribullators in the country.

But no more talk about chemistry, please. Please, please please, no more talk about chemistry! Chemistry is a class in high school that every last one of us sucked at. I exercised an option and took physics instead. Spent half the year in the hall for imitating the teacher: “I have two metal balls…”

I’ll bet you anything DePodesta got an ‘A’ in tenth grade chemistry. I’ll ask my high-ranking source and get back to you.

David Ross and Brent Mayne will do a great job with the pitchers and hit enough. Steve Finely will energize the team and the town. The bullpen will still accomplish more than most and be needed less. It’s going to be fine.

The saddest part of trade week for me is the Padres’ giving up on poor Ismael Valdez slash Valdes. I really loved the pairing of San Diego and Ismael Valdez slash Valdes. Gave me a chance to ponder intestinal fortitude…

Statue for Sandy: BaseballSavvy.com continues to work toward casting Sandy Koufax in bronze at Dodger Stadium next year. And we have a high-ranking source, so you know it’ll happen. If you haven’t yet, please scroll down to the photo below, and do your thing…

Remember, glove conquers all….

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